


the skies are gold

by atlantisairlock



Category: This Way Up (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Queer Character, Character Study, Developing Relationship, F/F, Future Fic, Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26971834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atlantisairlock/pseuds/atlantisairlock
Summary: Post S1 finale. Shona navigates her relationship with Charlotte and everything else that comes with it.
Relationships: Charlotte/Shona (This Way Up)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	the skies are gold

**Author's Note:**

  * For [newyorksnow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/newyorksnow/gifts).



> also a 'five times someone surprises shona + one time she surprises herself' fic tbh. 
> 
> title from 'getaway' by tritonal.

Years, months, mere weeks down the road, Shona looks back on the moment Vish proposes to her in the middle of her living room, her hair a mess and hopped-up on pre-event adrenaline, and it’s almost painfully clear why she didn’t - _couldn’t_ \- immediately say yes. Hindsight is twenty-twenty and all of that. It’s something she marvels about, sometimes, re-evaluating her entire life with new eyes and wondering how the hell she never saw it coming. She’d lashed out at Aine after about hating surprises, fallen back on the age-old excuse about simply not subscribing to the traditional school of thought regarding marriage, and all of that had been loud enough and true enough to conceal the real reason why she’d looked at Vish on one knee smiling up at her and her whole body had just screamed _no._

Maybe that’s a lie. _It was supposed to be a surprise,_ Aine’d screamed at her that evening, but even then, stunned into silence in her own home - it had been unexpected, but Shona also knows it’s not like it came completely out of the blue, what with Vish’s eagerness for her to move in, meet his family, and if he decided to be honest with himself for once, raise a family too.

It’s hours after that when she kisses Charlotte. Days later when she decides what she wants and what she has to give up in turn. They only break up a week after the proposal, but for Shona, it all ends with that silence, her lack of a resounding yes. The point of no return.

It’s dramatic to say, but her life pretty much starts again when Charlotte comes up to her in that quiet corner of the ballroom, smiling wide and talking with her hands and saying _you are so great._ Leaning in and kissing her, and making the rest of the world fall away.

And yes, in hindsight, that was obviously coming too. All that tension between them. All the long nights spent shoulder-to-shoulder working on the plan and letting coffee go cold in their cups. Shona thinks if she was a little brighter, or quicker on the uptake, or if she simply hadn’t gone forty-plus years of her life believing she was straight, she’d have noticed all of Charlotte’s little tells way before it all culminated in a kiss. But she didn’t, but it still ends up being okay, because her brain short-circuits for just a second, basically screeching _WHAT THE FUCK_ before something long-buried, hidden in the deepest recesses of her mind, always waiting to be let out, just… settles. Clicks right into place. Like she’s been walking around blindfolded her whole life, and now she finally sees the sun.

Charlotte’s expression is open and vulnerable when she steps back - hopeful, hesitant, wanting, scared. Biting her lip, watching Shona, and Shona hears her wordless _was that okay?_ and _please_ and maybe something deeper. Looking at Shona like she never wants to look at anything else.

Even before she returns the kiss, Shona already knows she’s found her way home.

She bumps into Hari, of all people, when she’s leaving the office, about a month after the horrible, horrible breakup, when she and Charlotte are still slowly figuring things out and Shona’s more sure about the fact that she’s irrevocably in love with Charlotte than about whether they’re actually dating. Hari being Hari, he somehow engages her in five minutes of incredibly sweet and cordial small talk before asking if she’d like to join him for dinner. For the life of her she’s not sure why she agrees. She doesn’t think he’d do anything crazy like murder her for what happened with Vish, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t take note of the closest exit to her table when they take their seats at the restaurant.

Conversation is stilted but lighthearted enough as they work through their appetisers, but Shona can barely choke down her soup as she waits for the other shoe to drop. She finally snaps when Hari brings up something about Anil getting a promotion at Buzzfeed, unable to hold it in any longer. “Do you hate me?”

Hari pauses over his pasta and regards Shona with a measured, compassionate look that has her flushing with embarrassment and guilt. “Why would I have asked you out to dinner if I hated you, Shona?”

Shona shrugs helplessly; it’s a fair question, but frankly she can’t think why he wanted to have dinner with her at all, in the first place. She feels her chest starting to hurt when she thinks about it. She doesn’t regret breaking up with Vish - if she could go back and give it a redo, she’d still make the same decision, because any other option wouldn’t be fair to him or herself or Charlotte. But she still lost something, someone, and she hurt people in the process. She can’t conceptualise a world where Hari sits across the woman who broke his son’s heart and feels anything but loathing for her. “I’m sorry,” she says instead, trying to force her voice from wavering. “I never meant to hurt him. But I couldn’t keep up a charade forever, not after…” She falters, thinking of Charlotte. Waits for Hari’s anger, as quiet as it might be, his reproach she knows she deserves.

It never comes. “You loved him,” he says, and Shona buries a flinch, because she did, once; she loved him, past tense; she loved him but she loved Charlotte more, loves her like she’s never loved anyone - she loved him enough to let him go instead of letting him live a convenient lie. “I did.”

“I do, too,” says Hari calmly. “He is my son, and I want the best for him. I want him to be happy. And there is no happiness to be found in untruths.” He reaches across the table to rest a hand over Shona’s. “You did a brave thing - the right thing. It wasn’t easy, because the right thing rarely is. But Vish understands why you did it, and so do we. He’s not angry with you, Shona, so why would I be?”

Shona swallows, barely believing what he’s saying. “He’s not?”

“He just wants you to be happy.” Hari tilts his head, keeping his eyes on her. “Are you happy?”

Shona thinks of Charlotte’s smile, directed at her. She thinks about the way it felt like her heart was cracking open when she spent hours last week reading articles online, stories about other people just like her, who figured out who they were only decades into their lives and still managed to find their happy endings. She thinks about the first time she looked herself in the mirror, just days ago, and let her mouth learn the shape of the words _I’m gay,_ pushed out of her throat into the world. Something true. Something real.

“Yes,” she says. “I’m happy.”

To the end of her days, Shona will always consider their first kiss the beginning of everything, but if she’s being pedantic they really only become official amidst the mess of Figuring Everything Out about two months after it happens. After all her confusion over the right labels for herself, the awkward are-we-or-aren’t-we that lingers a while even after she splits up with Vish for good, Shona expects that, when she and Charlotte finally sit down together at her dining table and have a raw, honest conversation where they decide once and for all that _yes,_ this is something they want - Shona expects things to still be difficult. The course of true love and coming out never did run smooth.

And no, she won’t say everything is perfect. Reality is… realistic. They argue sometimes, they figure things out by trial and error. Once in a while they get dirty looks when they start holding hands in public. There are people in the office who stop talking to them altogether. It’s not always easy. But every single time Charlotte kisses her, Shona feels a rush of something she can only describe as sheer rightness. The knowledge that she’s exactly where she needs to be, and to hell with everyone that might disagree.

It’s easy to say, of course, and she does mean it - she _does._ It doesn’t make it any less terrifying when she finally decides to visit her mum six months in and bring Charlotte with her, and just… tell her absolutely everything. 

“You don’t have to if you’re not ready,” Charlotte tells her. “Coming out is never easy, even if you’re sure she’ll be accepting.”

And if she’s being honest, Shona isn’t exactly _ready_ per se, although she doesn’t feel like she’ll truly ever be, not completely. She knows Charlotte means what she says, and she’d be completely fine if Shona _never_ decided it was the right time to come out to Eileen. But Shona also knows why, because they’ve talked about it over quiet suppers at her dining table. She knows that Charlotte’s easy acceptance and willingness to live a lie is borne from years and years of hiding - from her own parents, from her ex-girlfriends’ families, from everyone who’d turn away from her if they knew who she really was. Years and years of pain Shona’s never known, never experienced, and hopefully never will, because she discovered the truth about herself and looked it in the eye and saw all the hardship that would come with it and still chose it above the safe, easy lie. Charlotte knows how much Shona loves her family; knows that if push came to shove Shona would always pick Aine and Eileen over her, and she understands it, and respects it, and Shona loves her so, so much for it. Shona knows Charlotte would disavow the very core of her identity for Shona’s sake, would lie about her entire life for her, because she’s spent so long believing that was the best she could ever get in a cold, cruel world that still hates people like them for loving the people they choose to love.

Shona is never, ever letting that happen again. She refuses to make Charlotte feel like she has to hide. She refuses to be ashamed or scared when they shouldn’t have to be. Realistically, she knows her mum will probably take it in stride, will accept Shona and Charlotte with open arms, but there’s always that tiny possibility, that worrying doubt. It sits heavy in Shona’s stomach when they take the train up to her childhood home and Eileen greets them both, all smiles, and ushers them into the house. “It’s so lovely to finally meet you,” she says to Charlotte. “So you’re Shona’s girlfriend?”

 _Shona’s girlfriend._ Shona feels the sting of tears pricking her eyes at how casually Eileen says it, like it’s absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, and she releases a breath she hadn’t realised she was holding. She feels Charlotte give her hand a gentle squeeze as she smiles back at Eileen. “That’s me. It’s wonderful to meet you as well, Eileen. You have a lovely home.”

Eileen accepts the compliment with grace, and Shona just watches as the two of them fall into easy conversation, Charlotte charming her mum the way she once charmed the hell out of her. Shona feels the weight lifting slowly from her shoulders, the relief settling in - knowing she won’t have to pick one of the greatest loves in her life over the other. Knowing her mum still loves her, no matter what.

Dinner is perfect - Eileen asks about Aine and also tells Charlotte a bunch of incredibly embarrassing stories about Shona’s childhood that have Charlotte laughing and Shona wanting to bury her face in her mum’s pie. They all wash the dishes together and Shona watches Charlotte and Eileen chat animatedly about journalism and the state of the news right now - Charlotte hides things well, but Shona knows her now, and the way the tension Charlotte’s holding in her muscles slowly fades away nearly makes her cry. _I’m okay,_ she thinks. _We’re okay. We’re okay._

She does cry, later, when Eileen corners her alone right before she joins Charlotte in the guest room. She hugs Shona and looks her in the eye with such pride and happiness it makes Shona’s heart ache. “I’m so happy for you,” she says. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so at peace with someone, Shona. I’m so glad you found your soulmate.”

Her throat is tight, the tears falling from joy and relief and gratitude. “I was so scared you would hate me because I’m gay,” she confesses, letting herself be honest. Eileen hugs her tighter. “Never. Never ever, Shona - I love you. You’re my daughter - and now Charlotte will be, too.”

“I love you too,” Shona whispers, feeling the knot in her chest unspool. _I’m okay,_ she repeats to herself, and she’s so glad she can mean it.

Aine takes even longer than Eileen to warm up to the whole arrangement, which Shona knows was to be expected. She knows Charlotte sought her out for a frank and apologetic chat a few months after she and Shona became official, and by all considerations things aren’t Antarctic levels of frosty between them, but Shona definitely sees a lot less of her sister barging into her house and seeking her out to spend time together after Charlotte becomes a fixture in her life. Part of that is her own developing romance with Richard, she quickly discovers, and while Shona’s glad Charlotte isn’t one hundred percent the reason why they’re seeing each other less often, it still isn’t a good feeling. Aine’s polite and conversational when she and Charlotte see each other, and as the months pass, Shona begins to accept that’s the best she’ll get. Which is fine, it’s fine. She can live with that.

Almost a year to that fateful night where her whole life changed, Shona gets home from a grocery run to the front door ajar and Aine’s favourite pair of boots on the shoe rack. She’s about to call out and say something about Aine inviting herself over without any word when she hears her talking in the living room, all casual and genuine. “… you should both come. It’ll be fun. I’m going to make Richard try a Jagerbomb - can you believe he’s never had one his whole life? Jesus, I swear he came out of the womb as a fifty-year-old.”

“We’d love to,” Shona hears Charlotte reply, sincere but with slight hesitation. “You’re sure, though? I mean, I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

Aine sighs, sounding a little muffled through the gap in the door. “Look, I know we didn’t get off to the greatest start, and I think we’ve both got a share of blame in that, yeah? But I’m not a complete fucking idiot, Charlotte. Well, not in this anyway, I think. You make Sho happier than I’ve ever seen her with anyone. And I trust her judgment, she’s the smart one of the two of us - don’t tell her I said that. You love her and you treat her right. I’m happy for you two. I think it’s great that you’re together. You’re a part of the family now. We’re good.”

“Thanks, Aine,” Charlotte replies, quiet and a little choked up, and Shona hears Aine exclaim. “No, come on, Charlotte, don’t cry, I’m a terrible fuckin’ crier too, you’re going to have me wailing and Shona’s going to be back any time soon and she’ll laugh at me like the fucking cow she is. Come here.”

“I’m not a fucking cow,” Shona retorts, trying and failing to be snarky with it. She drops the groceries by the door and goes over to the two most important people in her life, feeling her heart growing two sizes at the sight of Aine with an arm around Charlotte. Aine pulls a face at her, but Shona definitely doesn’t miss the way she quickly wipes her eyes too. “I love you. Thank you.”

“Christ, save the sappiness for your girlfriend,” Aine mumbles, giving her a half-hearted shove. Charlotte laughs wetly as Shona pulls her into a proper hug, letting Charlotte sniffle a little into her shoulder. “Sneaky eavesdropping arsehole.” She lands a gentle punch on Shona’s shoulder. “I love you too. Go get me a sandwich, will you? I’m fucking starved.” Charlotte snorts another soft laugh and Shona rolls her eyes. “Go get your own sandwich, lazy bum,” she says, her heart soaring, the whole world perfect and unblemished in that moment.

It’s strange now how she always thought it was the institution of marriage that she hated, that she shied away from. Everything is so obvious in hindsight. Shona thinks if her younger selves could see her now they’d laugh, or be shocked - or maybe they’d just be relieved that everything’s worked out exactly the way it should. Nothing she ever expected, but all so clear now that she’s finally seen the light of day.

Years, months, weeks down the road, Shona looks back to realise that one chapter of her life ends with a proposal.

Down on one knee with a ring in hand and Charlotte standing in front of her, hand to her mouth and misty-eyed with startled, unbridled happiness, she knows it’s how she’ll begin another.


End file.
